Baratunde

"Don't sit at my table. I have a favorite table here but won't tell you which one because then you'll sit there. So just be smart and don't sit at my table. All the eggs are delicious."

"friend said i should try it. so it's here for that reason"

"I desperately want "skirball" to be a sport, an ultra-violent, stomach-churning, sport in which people regularly lose limbs but gain respect."

"They serve whiskey here. They also sell beautiful clothes, but while you wait, THEY WILL SERVE YOU WHISKEY!"

"GET THE PUSSY INCENSE. THEY SELL PUSSY INCENSE!"

"It's more efficient to keep all your money here and then ask for permission from Apple when you want to spend it on non-Apple goods and services."