Chris Atencio

"Target price matches amazon.com, on the condition that the item is sold through amazon. Go to customer services to see if your item(s) qualify!"

"Small cups for sauce are 50¢ each. Sauce on the burrito, however, is free. Blackberry warship is where it's at."

"The men's lavatory soap is the equivalent of liquid lava or gojo, leaving one feeling exfoliated and satin smooth."

"Use this to mute the robot voice from the self-checkout line."

"Ask for less blackened seasoning on the swordfish tacos. Mine were like a goddamn salt lick."

"Drunken noodles are where it's at."