Kris Kane

"Sometimes they give you 7 Heineken glasses. So you should totally come and drink here."

"The best Chinese food I've had in DC. Go for broke on the dumplings, your mouth will thank you. http://www.allmenus.com/dc/washington/53536-chinatown-express/menu/"

"If you see a bunch of 8 year olds with red duct tape over there mouths being made to stand at attention, do not try to help them, they are in no danger, this is their parents birth control alternative"

"Watch out for segways, 12 mph is pretty fast when you aren't paying attention."

"Super-bowl special, $3 cans. Come watch the Pats get stomped, while you get plastered."

"Escalators: if you are going to stand, get on the right side. If you are going to walk, do it on the left. Follow the rules, or you will be destroyed."